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Feed’m, Fuck’m, Leave’m Alone

Published on November 18, 2009 by in Stiffy Relief

As always, I love your feedback and comments, so please be prepared to get those fingers tappin’ when you’ve finished reading.

Happy-Marriage-ed2Alrighty then! My years of anecdotal relationship study have boiled things down to two pretty simple truths:

Truth #1 ~ Women are complicated.
Truth #2 ~ Men are uncomplicated.

Truth number one, I can’t even begin to tackle. It’s just waaaaaaaaaaaaaay to deep, dare I say endless topic of debate. I’ll let you in on one of my little secrets, ok? Come real close and I’ll whisper it in your ear. No, real close. That’s better : ) The main reason I can’t imagine myself completely “switching teams” to becoming a lesbian is because quite honestly, half the time I think women are crazy! LOL
Hey, I’ve got the estrogen to prove it, so I feel I have the authority to say it.

On the other hand, generally speaking, men are quite uncomplicated. For the most part you’re not ruled by your hormones or emotions as we women tend to be. I love you guys! Rock solid, rock steady, maybe as clueless as a rock at times. Oh, did I say that out loud? Ha!

So here goes, my theory for keeping a man satisfied and staying close to home.
Most men have only 3 very simple requirements to feel satisfied in their monogamous relationship.

1. Feed Him
2. Fuck Him
3. Leave Him Alone

Being uncomplicated you men need no further explanation. You either “get it” and agree, or you’ll be popping me a comment telling me where I’m off base.

Feed Him Just what it says, but the key is to serve it up with an “I love you” attitude and energy. Just not feeling “the love” for your man today? Fake a smile, be as pleasant as you can while serving up the grub. When it’s all said and done, in most cases it’s your loving smile that he’ll remember more than the food itself.
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Fuck Him If need be, feigned enthusiasm is better than none at all, but this is fun stuff we’re talking about here. Ladies, the bottom line here is, a well fucked man isn’t leaving your home anytime soon. I’m not sure where I heard this, but I certainly agree, “A man has never left his wife because the kitchen floor wasn’t clean enough.”

Leave Him Alone When he’s feeling stressed or on the spot, give him his space. Allow him to retreat to his “bear cave” (a.k.a. garage, den, media room, study, garden, golf course, etc.) for some quality alone time. Guys may be uncomplicated, but that doesn’t mean they are missing out on emotions all together. They have all the same emotions we women do, but they PROCESS them differently. Generally they seem to need more quiet time to let their brains catch up with their emotions. That equals quite time. My findings are purely anecdotal but I’ve found that when a man has had enough of being alone he will reappear, like a bear from it’s hibernation, usually in a pretty good mood. And, like a bear, he’ll be looking for food and sex………and then more alone time. Repeat as necessary : )

So clear. So easy. So uncomplicated. You’ve got to love that about men.

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