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Those Annoying NARBs

Published on November 2, 2009 by in LOL

What a perfect acronym! Until yesterday I’d never heard the term, NARB.

Everyone knows of the annoying phenomenon; wood rising at the worst possible time for unknown or grossly inappropriate reasons.

Cute teachers can be a NARB nightmare!

I nearly fell off my chair laughing when I read’s definition of the word NARB. It has a penis sound to it; like the slag word knob. To my ears it’s just plain comical sounding, NARB. Saying NARB makes me smile, thinking about beautiful unexpected boners. ** Yummy**

But then I’m not the one feeling embarrassed by them either. Yet we ladies have our own embarrassing issues to deal with, so I can fully and compassionately relate to the intense awkwardness of an untimely NARB. Whether male or female there are times in our life when our body doesn’t seem to be our own. For women it’s birthing babies. For you guys it’s when your pecker decides it has a different agenda for your day’s schedule, at least for the next hour or so.

The following comes directly from Urban Dictionary:
No Apparent Reason Boner.
Also used to generally define an erection; a stiffy.

Usage: It was unfortunate that I had a huge narb when the teacher called me to her desk.

When the male sexual organ, otherwise called the penis (also known as the cock, the walrus, a dick, the snake, the monkey, the stick, the wood, wang, schlong…) decides to have “a sexy time” (as Borat would say) for no reason except that it is a cock and that is what cock’s do.

Worst times to have a NARB:

1. When talking to your mom
2. When slow dancing with a stranger
3. When swimming with a speedo
4. During 7th grade science fair project presentation time
5. While leading worship in church with sweatpants on
6. Actually, sweatpants period (or basketball shorts…or what I’m wearing right now)
7.In front of your teacher when you are in detention.
8. In front of an ugly girl that likes you
9. When burning CDs…
10. When feeding fish (cause fish are just total sexual turn-offs).

Ways to get rid of a NARB:
1. Think of your dad
2. Or your grandpa
3. Or your grandpa’s uncle’s brother
4. Think of Michael Jackson
5. Think of oprah winfrey although she is really cool
6. Pigs…just thinking pigs. pigs and ice-cream. now that is a total turn-off.

One would like to think that a NARB could never be embarrassing enough to change your life, but evidently in the Broadway musical, 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee, that is just what happens. Chip is struck with a vicious NARB at just the wrong time. His wayward protuberance rears up, causing him to be the first contestant to be eliminated from the spelling bee. As is the schools custom, Chip is then relegated to selling treats throughout the remainder of the bee.

So much hope.
So much potential.
All of it dashed because of a raging NARB!

Niko Gelfars (Chip Tolentino) performs “My Unfortunate Erection (Chip’s Lament),”
The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee
A Riverdale Rising Stars Production.


That took me right back to being in junior high school along with all it’s angst producing embarrassment.


There’s only one good test of pornography.
Get twelve normal men to read the book, and then ask them, ”Did you get an erection?”
If the answer is ”Yes” from a majority of the twelve, then the book is pornographic.
~ W. H. Auden

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